best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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