It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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