Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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