But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.