I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.