At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
