Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.