he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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