So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend