you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..