it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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