that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
