If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
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