Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
