yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
