i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
