if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
