I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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