It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
