The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
