I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
