she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
