A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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