so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My vagina is officially offended.
You were trust falling into bushes
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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