Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
