if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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