im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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