Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
