WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
