i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
