This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
