ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
