theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
