I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
