Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
