I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
