i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
