i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
