I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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