is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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