i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
