I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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