I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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