Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
