just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
