just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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