Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
