My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
