My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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