I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
