All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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