Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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