Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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