At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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