Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
