Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
