Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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