some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm bleeding and have questions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
