I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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