I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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