And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
