I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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