he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
