I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
