I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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