I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
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i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
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