were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
