my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
