I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
