OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
