sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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