listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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